Funny Quotes
Browse our collection of motivational quotes from famous authors
"I've dealt with many crises in my life, but few will ever happen."
"It's so crowded, nobody goes there."
"90% of the game is half mental."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it."
"Get the facts first. You can distort them later."
"Critics are men who sit and watch a battle from a high place and come down to shoot the survivors."
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"It only takes one drink to get me drunk. I can just never remember if it's the eighth or ninth."
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it."
"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition."
"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day."
"Never let your schooling interfere with your education."
"Before I speak, I have something important to say."
"Quitting smoking is easy. I've done it a thousand times."
"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it."
"There are three kinds of lies: lies, d--n lies, and statistics."
"Any customer can have a car painted any color that he wants so long as it is black."
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"When people are very quotable, it can make it harder to listen to what they actually have to say."
"Everything's about company. A gourmet meal with an a-----e is a horrible meal."
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance"
"I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough."
"There are 2 things that will bring you success in life: 1) Don't tell everyone everything you know."